My husband Doug has Alzheimer’s disease. I am his only, full time caregiver. He and I are alone in our house, 24/7. I struggle to find something to talk to him about. This is one of the very hardest things for me. All my life, Doug and I could/did talk together, for Hours. About Everything! Since he has lost most of his words, it is days, sometimes weeks, before I have the chance to have an adult conversation. Without talking “down” to him, I struggle to find something to talk to him about. I ask questions like, are you hungry, cold, sleepy, how does he feel, in general?
My mother died of Alzheimer’s three years ago. No one in Doug’s family had the disease. Nothing prepared me for living with Alzheimer’s in my home on a daily basis. It took a couple of years to A. Realize and accept what the future was for us and B. To make decisions, alone, for our future, both financially and physically, without his input. I tried to surround myself with people who could guide me and give me advice on different subjects. I did, and continue to research this disease and how I can help myself and my husband on this extremely difficult journey.
Doug cannot make choices. I decide, for him, what and when, he will eat, take his medicine, what he will wear, when to bathe, what time to go to bed, and what he’ll watch on t.v. I decide where we will go, if we leave the house. I make “dates” for lunch, occasionally, with friends. The downside is that I am never alone. He is by my side, Always. We run errands together. I try to find things to do to occupy our time. He is not interested in much. We usually take a drive once a day. He follows me, room to room, asking can he help? I give him towels to fold, silverware to put away. Easy, repetitive jobs that make him feel useful. Once a month, or so, a friend might drop by. They don’t stay long. Doug can rarely hold a conversation, so friends are either bored or uncomfortable – or both. Lots of friends have disappeared. Quite a few family members as well. What they don’t understand, they can’t accept. Unfortunately, I have to accept and try to understand, on a daily basis, what is going on in His world. Stay tuned.
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