Two weeks ago, a really good friend of mine lost her husband – suddenly, unexpectedly, from a massive heart attack, in his sleep. Shocking, no warning. He had seen his doctor the week before. Doctor said everything was ok. At the funeral home, I hugged my friend’s neck and told her how sorry I was. She looked at me and said, “At least you still have your husband.”
Uh, NO. NO I don’t. People really Do Not understand this disease and what we are going through.
I “lost” my husband, Doug, two years ago. The “man” I have loved and lived with for 49 years is gone, but not dead. Yet. The difference between how my friend lost her husband and how I am losing mine is that her’s went very fast and mine is dying slowly. Day by day. Alzheimer’s disease causes a person’s brain to slowly, literally die. Unlike cancer or heart disease, my husband looks, and basically feels, okay physically. (Except he has lost a tremendous amount of weight and muscle mass). Generally, you can not tell by looking at him that there is anything wrong. Until you try to talk to him or notice his uneven gait when he walks.
At this point, I feel like a single, stay at home “Mom” to a five year old boy. Even though my husband is 69, his mind has all but disappeared. Our lives together have changed forever. MY life has also gone. He cannot be alone. I quit my full time job last year to be his full time caregiver. I am home alone with him 24/7. I do not have adult conversations; sometimes for days. I cannot do anything by myself. Even in the house with him, I cannot do anything that would take my attention away from him. I can’t talk on the phone, or read a book.
Stay tuned.
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